Cables work when they're not plugged in, right?

I don't work in tech support, but I can plug in a cable and get things working, so that pretty much makes me the tech support for my entire family.

$GreatGreatAunt (henceforth referred to as $A) asks me to look at a problem with "The Facebook" when I come to her house for the holidays. She says that "The Facebook" and her Email will not load. That's basically all she uses her old Windows 2000 (Maybe XP, this happened a while ago so I don't remember) PC for. This happened fairly recently after my previous story about her. This is how the troubleshooting transpired.

//wikimikipiki: Looks At PC There's no ethernet cable plugged in.

$A: You mean that big yellow cable? I unplugged that because the nice cable man said that he got me wireless internet.

//searches for location to facedesk//

//no location found//

//facepalm//

//wikimikipiki// Your computer dosen't support WiFi.

$A: I don't want a wire anymore! takes wire He said it would work with any modern computer!

//wikimikipiki// Your computer is ancient. It simply does not work with WiFi.

$A: getting mad, thinking I'm trying to get her to buy a new computer My fridge is not ancient, and it's also 11 years old! It works fine!

//wikimikipiki// Here, just give me back the wire and I can make it work again.

$A: gives wire

//wikimikipiki// plugs in wire Now try it.

$A: Thank you.

TL;DR: Cable guy tells 90-something year old aunt that her computer can work without a wire, even though one could assume it couldn't just by looking at it, she beleves him and tries to convince me that it supports WiFi.

-User wikimikipiki on Reddit

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/3ayld8/cables_work_when_theyre_not_plugged_in_right/

I have seen stuff like this happen all the time. Sometimes it is impossible to explain something to an older individual, or even a younger person, if they are not tech savvy. What is always terrible is when their family member calls in to make a change on the account, but by certain federal regulations, and to prevent lawsuits, changes often can't be made to an account and certain information cannot be given out unless the person is the account holder and can verify as such even if they are put on the account as an authorized user.  With most companies an authorized user just means a rep can work a little more with them, but can't make account changes (This is especially true of phone services due to various FCC regulations).

I worked in tech support for a telecommunications company for a short while. I do not miss it. I miss some of the people I worked with, but not the customers who got ticked when they couldn't make a change to their account because they couldn't verify the information. You know those same people would go on just as bad or worse a tirade if suddenly they had 5 more channels subscribed to and multiple other services because the rep on the phone just took a person's word that they were the account holder.

This isn't just ignorance, this is... Advanced Ignorance!

Credit to my coworker for the title.

One of the frustrating aspects of my job is supporting legacy software for customers that can't (or won't) upgrade. Invariably, the customers that have the old software are less technically-inclined than their peers.

Fortunately enough, most of these customers are knowledgeable enough that we can hack our way through fixing their problem.

This is not one of those cases.

Our customer here had been working with our company for years, back before we had switched to an online content delivery system. He still had CDs, and was waiting to receive the last batch of updates from us. That was a customer service thing, so no skin off my bones. It fell upon me to help our customer get his software running in the meantime.

The man himself seemed amiable enough. He mentioned offhand during the call that his son had helped him get everything set up, and he didn't really understand computers all that well. I smiled, said "I've seen that before," and we continued. Then this happened:

Customer: "So I typed in my account number in the box here..."

Resdamalos: "Great. Now go ahead and type the name of your shop in the next box."

C: "Oh, it keeps adding letters to the top."

He forgot to click. No worries.

R: "No problem, just click on the next box there."

C: "I removed all the extra letters but there's a little blinking line in there."

Oh.

R: [non-tech explanation mode engaged] "...That's the cursor. That shows where the next letter you type goes. You want to put the blinking line in the next box."

C: "How do I do that?"

Ohhhh...

R: "Move the mouse over to the box and click."

C: "I try to get the arrow over there but when it's over the white box it disappears."

Oh boy...

R: "Does it turn into a line?"

C: "Yes."

R: "Then that's fine. Click in there."

C: "Okay..."

R: "Great! After you type in your business name-"

C: "Hold on. There are two words in the name of my business... how do I get the second one to be separated from the first one there?"

WHAT.

R: [not-losing-my-cool mode engaged] "...the spacebar?"

C: "You mean Shift?"

WHAT IS THIS. You've been working with this software for years and you don't know how to TYPE?

R: "...it's... the long key on the bottom of your keyboard."

C: "Ooooh."

I facepalmed loud enough that it was audible the next cube over.

-User resdamalos on Reddit

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/3azye9/this_isnt_just_ignorance_this_is_advanced/

Help desk:

Ring Ring!!

Me: Hello. IT.

User: Hi. My printer is broken. I thought it was low ink but after putting new cartridges nothing happened.

I know the person so I do not bother to ask about details and just go there

Me: I'll be right there miss.

Head down to her. Routine. Quick check. Printer in fact shows no signs of life.

I don't like her staring at me and talking like a radio about nothing so the decision is simple.

Me: I'm gonna have to take the printer back to the department. I'll notify you ASAP. BTW you've said you changed cartridges. I can take the old ones and utilize them #ITduty.

Here is where the fun starts

User: I have no old cartridges.

???????????????????????????

Me: You have changed the cartridges, right?

User: Right.

Me: So where are the old ones?

User: I do not know. They were not in the printer at all.

????????????????????????????????????????

Me: Ok, I'll figure it out. Bye.

Back at my desk. Plug in the printer. Nothing happens. Open the printer. Sight.

Dont know how she did that. Don't care. Get her a LaserJet.

Edit: Just so you know. This situation (low ink, put a new one in) is not new to User. She has been doing it for ever and she always did it right. I honestly do not know why it went wrong this time.

-User RudeIke on Reddit

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/3axuln/the_ink_cartridges_are_new_so_the_printer_must_be/

"They Make Floors Out of Glass Now"

Hello all. This is a story I heard second hand from a computer shop in town that I visit every once in a while. I told them they should post it on Reddit Tales From Tech Support, but their response was "what's a Reddit?" so I asked them for permission "to put it online."

Anyways, this customer comes in to their shop with a broken laptop screen.

Tech:

"What happened?"

Her:

"I don't know, it just broke."

Tech:

"Okay. Let me look up how much it would be to fix... Oooh I'm afraid that will be $250.00 'Mam."

She agrees to get it fixed, and within a week the new screen arrives and is installed. She takes the laptop.

Two days later, she comes back in with an angry look on her face. The screen is broken again.

Tech:

"How on earth did this happen?"

Her:

points upside-down finger like Colonel Clink "You used cheap parts didn't you... You used crappy 3rd party parts, and all it took was one step from my dog--"

[Annoyed]Tech:

interrupts "Hold on... Your dog stepped on your laptop?"

Her:

"Yes. So?"

[Even More Annoyed]Tech:

"What kind of dog do you have?"

Her:

"He's a mutt. Why? Stop trying to evade me!!!"

Tech[With vein showing in head]:

"How much does he weigh?"

Her:

"Oh, I don't know. 30 pounds maybe? He likes to make a bed out of my laptop when I'm not using it. Now let's get back to the subject at hand!!!"

Tech[Imagining holding knife]:

"A laptop screen is not meant to hold 30 pounds of weight."

Her:

"Don't give me that crap. You ordered a cheap part. Besides, haven't you seen that viewing thing that hangs over the Grand Canyon? The entire floor's made of glass. It holds tons of people at once."

After the tech explained to her about how that's not the same type of glass, and convincing her that even the original screen was not that type of glass, or it wouldn't have broken in the first place, she finally gave up and let the tech replace the screen again.

For the record I would also like to point out that the screen he ordered was OEM.

TL;DR: If the Grand Canyon view platform was made from screen glass, nobody would make it home from vacation alive.

-User Republican31 on Reddit

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/3ayzo5/they_make_floors_out_of_glass_now/

Sometimes with users like these I wish they did make floors out of laptop screen glass.  To ever try to make such an argument was stupid. If she thinks her dog stepping on it and breaking it means he used cheap parts, then the original manufacturer must have used cheap parts too. The glass used in glass floors is treated differently when it is made and is wayyyy thicker than a regular computer screen.

No you cannot download more HDD space. No you cannot download a tool to make it an SSD...

I love the Reddit thread Tales from Tech Support. It is where I find so many awesome stories that help me feel better throughout the day. This one comes from Reddit user tyo445. Please check out this thread. If you have never been on Reddit, this is an awesome place to start.
______________________________

I build computers where I live and that apparently qualifies me as an IT person. A woman nearby that wasn't very good with technology called me to come and fix Microsoft Word for her. I showed up and her hard drive was full. I tell her that her drive is full and the conversation went like this:

Woman: "That's impossible! I just downloaded 8 more terabytes."

Me: "You can't download more hard drive space"

Woman: "Why not? You can download tools to turn them into SSDs why not download more space?"

Me: "Because that's just not how it works. You can't turn them into SSDs either"

Woman: "You just don't know what you're talking about! I know exactly how this works. The faster the drive spins the more storage it has!"

Then she kicked me out because she didn't trust that I knew what I was doing with her computer.

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/3b4vsa/no_you_cannot_download_more_hdd_space_no_you/

How to be the most hated intern of all time

Gather around fellow IT guys,

This is the tale of my first internship, after only a few months of school.

I was working in a 4500+ employees company operating all around Europe. Their IT service was really understaffed, located in a small city in the countryside. I was employed in a big city where my supervisor, Mr.P was the only IT guy and had to deal with about 300~ employees. The IT service was treated so bad that EVERYONE quit at the same time a few months later. But this is a story for next time.

On the friday morning of my first week of internship everything was going fine, Mr.P brought me a NAS in raid1 and told me to erase it, switch it in raid0 and to put it into the server room. He told me that server was named "NAS-City".

I looked for the IP using WireShark and found a NAS called "NASCity" under some IP. "NAS-City" was nowhere to be found, Mr.P was gone until the next monday, I didn't want to appear lazy, I just thought he misspelled the name. I connected to the NAS, the credentials are accepted, I click on "switch to raid0".

I shit you not, less than 5 seconds after I clicked someone called the IT office complaining his files were gone. The phone was blinking, mails started to flood the IT service mailbox, shit hit the fan really hard.

Turns out I erased a year worth of work of the service in charge of making the 600 pages catalog for the company products. These guys were all working on files on the NAS, they had no local copy.

The credentials worked because this company is using the exact same credentials for every NAS (400~) they have. ಠ_ಠ

There were about 50 people involved in the making of the catalog and they take their vacation in August, when the catalog goes to printing to be distributed in September.

Well, this year, they all had to cancel their vacations and worked from 7:30AM to 11PM during June, July and August to build back what was deleted. They even had to re-hire models and photographs to take pictures of the products.

The best part? About a month before I arrived in the company, my supervisor sent a mail to this particular service informing them that they should NOT consider this storage safe, that hard drive failure was possible, that there were absolutely no backups.

Needless to say these guys hated me, good times, good times. - User antonhansel on Reddit

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/3b1ot5/how_to_be_the_most_hated_intern_of_all_time/

One of my coworkers snapped today, and it wasn't pretty.

Okay, so the VPN service went down and as a result everyone in the universe is calling us asking what's wrong, why can't they get in, when will it be up, yada yada yada. We put a voice message on the line telling people there's an outage and we'll get it taken care of as soon as possible. Some people hear this, and probably hang up knowing that it's being addressed, others wait on hold for fifteen or twenty minutes just to complain to us that the hold time was too long, and give us belligerent advise on how to maintain a VPN that we have no control over. Of course there are lots of people who've been on hold for twenty minutes, long enough to hear the outage alert at least ten times, just so they can ask us questions that would have been explained in the outage alert. I would get calls like, "When is it going to be back up? What happened? Why can't I get in?"

I'm literally praying for an asteroid strike because humanity has become that damn stupid. I get a lot of really belligerent callers who are threatening to take me to task if I don't get them a solution to log in soon. I keep telling them that there is nothing to be done, but one lady I have to write up a complaint on to my manager for follow up with HR because she crossed a line in her complaints.

This is the pattern of the day, and finally it happened. Two cubes over from me a loud angry call goes into a headset, "MOTHERFUCKER, CLEAN THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR EARS! You sit on hold listening to a message that answers all these questions and you still wait to ask me what you already know? How'd some Peckerwood motherfucker like you get a job with a computer!"

She called him "Peckerwood" maybe the caller is in the south. She growled into the phone some incoherent words, hung up, grabbed her purse and walked out. Just then my boss comes running up after hearing what was yelled at a client wondering what happened. The lady I was on the phone with, who wasn't being belligerent, heard what was said and asked me specifically if she really heard someone tell a caller to clean the shit out of their ears. I apologized to the caller and explained we're inundated with calls and we've gotten so many rude callers our ability to keep professional has strained to it's limits. She was understanding and hoped everything worked out.

I don't know what her standing will be tomorrow, I'm pretty sure she's gonna get fired. But for a minute I looked back on what she said into the phone and managed to laugh, she lived the dream. I wish I didn't envy her a little bit, but how many times have I wanted to say the same thing to a rude caller. -User wonderweirdo on Reddit

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/3b0oik/one_of_my_coworkers_snapped_today_and_it_wasnt/

Coffee Cup Holder?

I have actually heard this one before. It is more common than many in IT would like to admit.

I received a call many years ago from a end user saying his coffe cup holder was no longer working… I explained that this was IT and not the caftereer, his reply was the draw that comes with the PC wont open to put his coffe cup in. I went and checked it out and he had been using the CD Drive to hold his cups of coffe and there was some much spileage the draw would no longer open -Andy6833 on SpiceWorks Community "Scariest IT Support Story"

Source: http://community.spiceworks.com/topic/984221-scariest-it-support-story?page=3

Sorry My Security Was Blocking Your Phone Charge

Sorry for the delay of this post. Had some crazy stuff come up at home. Anyhow, for your reading pleasure I have more interesting and funny IT stories I have found.

This one comes from the Scariest IT Support Story section of the Spiceworks Community. It was posted by the user wingzfan99.

I got a call that one of our networked digital signs (read: TV running an overpriced powerpoint presentation) was showing a driver installation prompt over top of the slideshow.

When I arrived, I noticed that it wanted to install the drivers for an iPhone. I went around the corner to the room where the "server" was that ran this display... it's a workstation locked in a rack 10ft off the ground. Key words there being "locked" and "10ft off the ground". There was also a 24-port switch in there that served that wing of the building

I got a ladder, went up, and opened the rack without my key and unplugged the iPhone that someone was charging off of our workstation.

One of the staff really needed to charge his phone and "found a way around the lock" -- he used a screwdriver to pry the latch out of the slot inside the door.

Needless to say, we put in a much more secure rack, and HR gave the guy a pretty serious talking to.

Source: http://community.spiceworks.com/topic/984221-scariest-it-support-story?page=2

Tales of IT

This was originally posted to 4Chan, and is still one of my fave feeds ever. It is a guy's first 41 days at an IT job where his dad works. I am not sure on who the original poster was.

Laptop Flop, Part 3

Sacramento, CA, USA

(Go to the site to see the other parts. They are all separate stories.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [store]! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, my laptop that I bought from you guys a while ago got stolen. I need to get a copy of my receipt for insurance purposes.”

Me: “Okay, no problem! What I need is the cred—”

Customer: “What I’m going to give you is my name and phone number, and you see what you can find with that.”

Me: “Ma’am, when we do receipt lookups, it’s processed at the register. I need you to bring in the card you paid with, and the UPC or item number of the laptop, if you happened to save those off the box.”

Customer: “I don’t have any of that.”

Me: “Well, do you have one of our rewards cards?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Err… could you tell me what kind of laptop it was?”

Customer: “I ALREADY SAID THAT!”

Me: “If you did, I didn’t hear it ma’am. What was it?”

Customer: “I already said it. But it was… tah-shibbia? Or… Toshi-bai-bah or something.”

Me: “Toshiba.”

(I wait for the customer to supply more information about the laptop, but she’s silent.)

Me: “…and the model number?”

Customer: “I DON’T HAVE THAT!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I really need at least that information so I could look up an item number. How about the month you purchased the laptop; do you have that?”

Customer: “What month is this? Well, it isn’t April yet. So this month must be March. I bought it in November. Maybe it was around my birthday. Like if I bought myself a birthday present! Yeah, that must’ve been it.”

(I wait for the customer to tell me when her birthday is.)

Customer: “Anyway, you see what you can find with that, and call me back.”

Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, I need to know what kind of lapt—”

Customer: “No, look it up with my name. And if you can’t find it, you call me back and tell me exactly what you need, and I’ll get it for you.”

Source: http://notalwaysright.com/laptop-flop-part-3/31188

He is a computer expert so he is obviously a hacker and should have been able to get all her information without her having to give it to him, right? That or she thought he must be some super human telepath, or have an insane computer that can just find stuff like Google seems to be able to do. 

Or she is just an idiot that doesn't get that stores don't always store all your info. Often it is just the receipt/transaction number, the item upcs, and prices.

Laptop Flop, Part 2

Laptop Flop, Part 2

Tampa, FL, USA

(Go to the site to see the other parts. They are all separate stories.)

(I work in a technology help desk fixing computers. A preteen girl brings in her laptop. The entire left side is damaged, and quite badly.)

Girl: “My laptop isn’t working and I don’t know why.”

Me: “Well, it may have to do with the damage on the side.”

Girl: “What damage?”

Me: “The entire left side of your laptop is smashed up.”

Girl: *surprised* “Oh! When did that happen?”

Me: “Have you dropped it recently?”

Girl: “Well, yeah, I’m really klutzy, so I tend to drop it out of my car when I go to school.”

Me: “Okay. Well, we can take a look at it and try to fix it for you so your laptop works again. In the future, try not to drop your laptop so much.”

Girl: “Oh, is it bad to drop it a lot?”

Source: v

Vacation Crime

ME, USA

(I work for a computer repair shop which gets a lot of work orders from a big company because we’re nearby and are known for how fast we repair units. We also use receipts for orders that are being picked up by others.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m here to pick up a computer for [Supervisor].”

Me: “Do you have the repair receipt for their computer?”

Customer: “No, just use my ID.” *shows me work ID*

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, I’m not allowed to give you any computer without a receipt due to security reasons.”

Customer: *suddenly very angry* “Look! I’m an executive at [Big Company]. I can pick up as many computer orders as I want! Just shut up and do your **** job and give me [Supervisor]’s computer!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. But regardless of who you are, I cannot give you any computer without a receipt.”

(The door jingle goes off, meaning another customer has come into the shop.)

Customer: “That’s it! I’m gonna have your a** fired, you incompetent f***! I’ve never been treated so rudely!”

Me: “Well, I hate to repeat myself but again, we’re not allo—”.”

(At this point I notice a police officer and security guard from [Big Company] standing behind the man.)

Customer: *practically yelling at this point* “What?! Not allowed to give me [Supervisor]’s computer?! Well, I’ll –”

Police Officer: “Mr. [Customer]. You’re under arrest for attempted robbery.”

(The customer turns around to see the two men, and makes a break for the door only to be tackled in seconds and taken away by the police officer.)

Security Guard: “Can you believe that guy? He quit and threatened to steal [Supervisor]’s computer all because he didn’t get the vacation time he wanted.”

Source: http://notalwaysright.com/vacation-crime/39053

Maybe He Was Looking for a Raspberry Pi

ME, USA

(I own my own little computer repair shop, and lease it in a building next door to a restaurant. Though it is rare, I do sometimes get people who come into my shop by mistake looking for the restaurant because it offers to order out its food, and often this problem is resolved by me giving them directions to next door. My shop is very much so obviously a computer repair shop with only a desk to drop of your computer and a few displays with replacement parts. I am behind the drop off desk checking which order to work on next, when a customer comes in.)

Me: “Oh, hi there. Here to pick up an order?”

Customer: “Yup, I had a order for Ted.”

Me: *I look up my database and find no orders for Ted.* “Umm, is it perhaps under any other name, or last name?”

Customer: “No, I definitely put it under Ted.”

Me: “Hmm, well what did you get done on your system? Maybe I can find it that way?”

Customer: “Oh I ordered a large pepperoni, well done, with some hot wings.”

Me: “You mean, like the food?”

Customer: “…duh! You work in a restaurant. What do you think is here?”

Me: “No, as you can see…” *I point around my shop* “I run a small computer repair shop.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that bull-s***! I’m the husband of the owner and if you don’t get me my order I’ll have you fired!”

(I am amused by this, because since we’ve been neighbors for a few years I know for sure the owner of the restaurant is indeed a woman, but is also a same sex couple with her partner.)

Me: “Really now? I heard she and her husband broke up.”

Customer: “No, we didn’t. We’re a loving man and wife. Now get me my d*** food, now!”

Me: “Sorry. I just can’t do that. It goes against my policies.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager, now!”

(I call the restaurant and ask if the owner could come over real quick. She does.)

Owner: “What seems to be—” *comes in and stops almost immediately. at the sight of the customer.*

Customer: “You’re not the manager of [Restaurant]. You’re just the stupid c*** that thinks you’re clever. I wanna speak to the owner, now!

Owner: “For the last time, you stupid dolt, this is not [Other Restaurant]. Stop coming to my store and yelling at my employees and customers!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to leave now.”

Customer: “Screw this s***! You’re all stupid f***s! You can all go to h***! I’ll never eat at [Other Restaurant] again! I’ll have your jobs, too!”

(Both Owner and I were left dumbfounded by the stupidity of this customer. Lucky for me, though, I got a free sandwich for having to deal with the stupid dolt!)

Source: http://notalwaysright.com/maybe-he-was-looking-for-a-raspberry-pi/40570